David’s Thoughts

Listening

Don’t just have your own thoughts. Learn what other people think too. And don’t stop there. Learn WHY they think that way. What is their background? What led them to think this way? What are the benefits of thinking this way? Don’t interrupt. You’ll have plenty of time to express yourself. Take the time to hear what this other person is saying.

A great way to build someone up, is to listen to them with your full attention. And work to understand what they’re saying. Ask clarifying questions… “Do you mean red like a Ferrarri, or red like a plum?” OK, that was a dumb example, but hopefully you get the point. A person is more willing to hear you, if you have taken the effort to really listen to and understand them.

Thinking

Processing. Process things. Decide what YOU think. Why do you think that? Is that your own conclusion, or did someone else persuade you to believe this?

You just really need to think for yourself. If you let someone else think for you, you’ll end up letting many people think for you. Yes you should listen and understand and be very mindful of your trusted advisors and friends. But in the end, you are the only one who decides what you think. It’s easy to go through the motions of whatever lifestyle you’re in. But how many times do you feel like you really have to think through something before you know what you think about it? I think it’s healthy to do that. I know there are different personality types, some that naturally make quick, instinctive decisions, and others that like to mull things over for weeks. But I’m not really talking about decision-making here. I’m talking mainly about knowing what you think, rather than what you’ve been told to think.

Time Management

This is one thing that I’m probably unduly obsessed with. I log most of my time, every day. Even right now, on my timekeeper, it says “blogging.”

Being aware of how I spend my time, helps me to spend my time more wisely. I, like many people, feel this frustration of just not having enough time to do everything I want to do. Or do you constantly feel tired because you’ve stayed up too late and had to get up early again?

Become attentive to what you’re doing, when you start doing it, when you stop doing it. It doesn’t matter if it’s working, chit-chatting, reading, sleeping, having a beer with some friends, or praying deeply to God. These can all be valid things.

The whole point of time management is to enable you to do the things that you really want to do. That brings up the question that is sometimes harder to answer. What do you really want to do? So that is step one in time management. Identifying your goals, values, mission. Step two is identifying all the action steps that support those goals and values, and organizing those actions into some sort of a time framework. As you look at how you spend your time, the prevailing question should be “do my actions today, yesterday, and tomorrow, support my core values and mission, and my goals?”

Being in control of your time also helps keep you rested, and able to engage more fully in the things that you do.

Of course, there are many circumstances in life that take our control of time away from us. Some times there’s just no way to get the proper amount of sleep. Some times certain things just have to go on the back burner.

But the point here is that developing some time management skills can enable you get get more done, and be more selective about what you do. It’s a skill that can add quality to your life.

Encouraging Other People

Wow, this is (for me) the biggie of the group. I have for a long time considered myself to not be gifted in encouragement. And really, I’m not. I’m analytical. My attention naturally gravitates to things that need to be worked on, fixed, corrected. So I decided I wasn’t going to try to be encouraging. I would work at being a good programmer and worker instead. But there are so many benefits of becoming more encouraging. It’s an investment in those around you. It’s greater connectedness, and really knowing those that you are encouraging.

If someone is good at something, or if they have just succeeded at something that they’re good at, it’s very easy to assume that they are very comfortable with that thing. That they know they’re good, that they feel good about their successes.

But many people, don’t even see their own successes or strengths. I think it’s very human and natural to focus on our own weaknesses and discount our strengths. If you’re good at something, it’s very easy to find someone else who is better than you, thus you downplay your strength. I guess that’s why topics such as self-image and self-esteem are such big issues.

So, you may see someone, and they may appear confident. They may not say much. But you can be pretty sure that they’re well aware of most of their own faults. They may not be aware of their strengths. Or maybe they don’t feel like what they’ve done, or who they are, is valuable, for whatever reason.

OK, so how do I encourage other people? From my experience, not many people do this. It’s hard to find examples. You have to look pretty hard really.

• So, the first thing is, I think, to find and identify people and other sources (books, movies, etc. but real life people are the best) that encourage or inspire you. These are things that make you want to do what’s right, even though it’s difficult or painful. These are people that help you see the beauty of life regardless of the circumstance. Keeping these influences closeby, in your daily routine, will give the concept and vocabulary that you need to be an encourager.
• Highlight someone’s strengths to them. “You have such a great eye for design!” And be sincere. Even if you don’t sound sincere, say it anyway. You can work on the sincere “tone” later.
• Praise somebody even when they’re not around. When word gets back to that person, they’ll get a real boost!
• Recognize a person’s accomplishments and work, even if it’s outside of their special giftings. Doing the dishes and mowing the yard get to be pretty routine. It’s so nice to receive a sincere word of appreciation.